Awake

Not knowing whether the expanse trepidatiously expands,
Or whether the harbor’s arousal
Seeks to mitigate some proverbial acquiescence—

Unknowing drips profusely off my bones
And into the warts on my fingertips
As I drift from wakefulness to wakefulness,
Profusely sweating aimless thoughts

Seeking to dream in dreaming’s order
Yet bound to mind with reason untransfixed
In windows of sleeping’s abode, I’m stuck outside
With hope of consciousness’s bidding entry

Stirring thoughts better adjudicated by sleep
Pool about, wetting my socks as I try to slow my mind
And greet the ugly sides of my traumas
Alone in morning’s hours

I hold myself, appease my scars,
Acknowledge the reverberating pain

Feigning self-compassion with
No recompense, nor healing for the healer

Distract myself from empathy, too tired to give it to myself
Distract myself with anything long enough to forget I am awake

Awake with all the pain I can’t release
Breaking my own arms to loose my grip
Escaping not to sleep, eyes too tired to weep,
Awake